Volume XLII

McPherson College, McPherson. Kansas, November 15, 1957

No. 10

"What on earth are you doing down here!" exclaims Father Penn as he discovers his family set up to live in his new barn. This scene takes place in the one-act play. "The Revolt of Mother." which will be presented in Chapel tonight at 7:30 along with two other plays "The Devil and Daniel Webster" and "How To Propose."

Left to right in the picture are Glenda Wine as Sarah Penn. Terry Spitzer as Sammy. Penn. Vernard Foley as Adoniram Penn, and Valerie Miller as Nanny Penn.

(Don's Studio Photo)

MCA Family Style Dinner Has Bittingers As Parents

ticket sales will end on Monday, Nov. 18.

Because of the desire expressed by many students in past years for a family dinner, the M.C.A. is planning the dinner. Prof. Paul Sollenberger and Prof. Harley Stump are faculty advisors of the McPherson Christian Association.

Bittinger, Zeller Attend Board Meet In Elgin

Dr. D. W. Bittinger will return to Macollege from Elgin. III., tonight where Rev. Harry K. Zeller and he have been attending the November meeting of the General Brotherhood Board meeting of the Church of the Brethren.

They left Macollege Sunday afternoon for Elgin. The General Brotherhood Board meets regu larly twice a year.

Juanita Fike Represents Macollege In Europe

Four Will Meet With UNESCO

Plays Feature Comedies Tonight In Mac Chapel

College Calendar

Tonight, 7:30. One - act plays in the Chapel.

Tomorrow night. 8 o'clock, Student recital in the Chapel.

Next Thursday. Nov. 21, MCA Family Dinner at the Church at 6:30 p.m.

Friday. Nov. 22. Movie in the Chapel at 7:30 p.m.

Music Students Present Recital Tomorrow Night

Macollege students will present a recital in the college chapel tomorrow night at 8. Vocal, piano, organ, trombone and baritone numbers will be featured.

Students participating in the recital will be Dwight Oltman. baritone: Irvin Wagner, trombone; Robert Willems, organ: Forrest Kruschwitz. Marvin Weddle. Valerie Miller. Margaret Lehman, piano: Marlene Klotz, Dick Landrum. Clara Zunkel, Delaine Perkins. Mardella Guenther, and Norma Watkins, voice.

ishing shoes once a week and darning socks are part of the routine. Juanita says she thinks she will be a professional sock darner when she gets her degree at Mac.

One interesting experience Juanita had was meeting a boy who docs not believe in God or religion. He thinks that God is a myth created in people's minds because they fear death.

Life is an end in itself, he says: anything one wants to do is right. Juanita would like to have a chance to help the boy find God for she says he needs help badly.

Funny accidents happen also. One afternoon Juanita got on the train for Kassel. She was supposed to change trains at Lage. As Juanita sat reading, the train slowed down and she heard a woman say "Lage.”

After Juanita was off the train, she discovered this was not Lage. but Horstmal! Since there was no other train for Kassel for several hours, there was nothing to do but go back to Lemgo.

School will start for Juanita this month at the academy in Wuppertal. She is eager for the new experience, but she will dislike leaving her friends in Lemgo.

Macollege Players’ Club will entertain the public with an evening of comedies tonight, Nov. 15. The plays, "The Devil and Daniel Webster,” “How to Propose,” and “The Revolt of Mother,” will be presented in the College Chapel.

The Devil and Daniel Webster

In “The Devil and Daniel Webster" the wedding of Jabez and Mary Stone has just taken place. Their New Hampshire farmhouse has been re-arranged for the wedding dance which is just beginning.

The event moves along smoothly until Mr. Scratch, the devil, appears and terrifies the crowd with his inappropriate songs. The devil makes things worse when he brings out the horrifying fact that Jabez has sold his soul to the devil.

The only way out of the situation Is to have a trial. Can Daniel Webster defend Jabez? Is the decision of the jury for or against Jabez?

The cast is made up of Jabez Stone. Larry Sanders; Mary Stone, Faye Fields: Daniel Web-

CBYF To Discuss “Here I Stand” Sunday

"Here I Stand" is the program planned for C.B.Y.F. Sunday at 6:30 p.m.

Three stands pertaining to military service. 1A. 1-AO. and 1-W will be given.

Four international students from Macollege will attend a meeting of the UNESCO at Hutchinson on Nov. 18.

These students are Anna Vas-siloff, Thesalonica. Greece; Gerth Riwer. Kassel. Germany; Stanley Ilin. Linz. Upper Austria; and Bernard Desa, Bombay. India.

Anna Vassiloff. a second semester junior, plans to attend graduate school. She is interested in educational psychology. This Is Anna's second year at Macol-lege.

Gerth Riwer. freshman, plans to return to Germany to study next year. He plans to major in French and English. He has been in the United States for three months and is staying with Mr. and Mrs. Paul Sargent of McPherson.

Stanley Ilin has been living with Dr. and Mrs. Ray Blickenstaff. Nampa. Idaho, for the past year. Planning to major in engineering. Stanley hopes to become a U. S. citizen someday. He is a freshman.

Bernard Desa is planning to major in petroleum engineering. He has been in the U. S. for three months and is a freshman at Macollege.

Dr. and Mrs. D. W. Bittinger will be guest parents at the family style dinner sponsored by the


The dress - up family style dinner is for the mass meeting on Thursday. Nov. 21. It will be held at 6:30 p.m. in the social room of the church.

Irvin Wagner will lead group singing with additional music provided by the Ladies' Trio. Pop and Mom Bittinger will be the

guest speakers.

The Philo Class at the Church of the Brethren plans to prepare the meal, a turkey dinner. Hosts and hostesses, members of the Macollege Family, will assist at each table.

All students and faculty members are invited to attend. Tickets. priced at $1.00, are being sold by M.C.A. cabinet members. Judy Brammell. Lois Fager. Dar-ry Melton, Mario Oltman, and Norma Watkins.

In order for the Philo Class to have time to purchase the food and to plan the complete meal.

Students Begin To Pre-enroll

Pre-enrollment for the second semester of the school year started Nov. 11 and will continue through Dec. 13.

Students should pick up their enrollment cards and program of studies in the registrar's office. The counselors will assist each student in planning his program Enrollment cards should then be returned to the registrar’s office.

A list of counselors' has been posted on the bulletin board in Sharp Hall.

Organists To Meet For Dinner In Salina

A dinner meeting for the Guild of Organists will be held at the First Methodist Church in Salina Monday at 6:30 p.m.

The dinner will be for the clergyman and presidents of three colleges, Kansas Wesleyan, Bethany. and McPherson.

Mrs. D. W. Bittinger, Rev. and Mrs. James Anderson, and several Macollege students will accompany Mrs. Audrey San Romani to Salina. Dr. Bittinger will be unable to attend the dinner.

Jerry Hedges, minister of mu-

c for the Methodist Church Choir in Salina, and Rev. He-deen. president of the Kansas Lutheran Conference will be on the program.

International Students To Visit Miss Fee

Six international students have been invited by Miss Fee. retired dean of women at Macollege, to spend this weekend at her home in Stafford. Kas.

These students will entertain some of Miss Fee's friends and relatives during their visit.

Mary Gatewood. Anna Vassil-off. Rossie Monk. Ruth Barcelo, Lillian Aotaki. and Sherland Ng are the students.

Juanita Fike. representing McPherson College as an exchange student in Germany arrived in Bremerhaven. Germany, August 11. after a very pleasant voyage.

After a briefing session in Kassel. the 25 exchangees went their separate ways. Juanita went to Lemgo. where she lives and works at Eben Ezer. an institution for epileptics and the mentally ill. There are about 800 patients.

Juanita works mainly with a group of 24 children from the ags of six. to thirteen. These children appear quite normal at first, but in working with them Juanita finds small abnormalities in them.

They are starved for love and affection. They stand in awe. to pat her clothes or plaster her with


The field work is done by the patients. Juanita took a large group of children to the field to pick up potatoes one afternoon She said working in the field and with Holstein cows made her think of the farm on which she grew up near West Plains. Mo. Some of Juanita's duties are taking walks with the children, supervising their play, and keeping their clothes in condition. Pol

Zeller’s Topic Will Be “Big Words: Therefore”

Rev. Harry K. Zeller’s topic for the Sunday morning service at the Church of the Brethren will be “Big Words: Therefore.”

ster, Bob Dell; Mr. Scratch. Noel Grove; The Fiddler. Dwight Olt-man; Justice Hawthorne, Duane Fike; Justice Hawthorne’s clerk. Kenny Thompkins.

The crowd: Lewis Dorris. Elsie Lucore, Rita Beam, Roy Stem, Carl Harris, Danil Olmstead. Hazel Miles. Dean Anne Vance, the jury. Norris Harms. Ed Switzer. Winston Beam, Danny Crouse. Dick Landrum.

How to Propose

“How to Propose” is an illustrated lecture on the history of proposals from the caveman era to present day Brooklyn. The lecturer hires actors to act out situations of proposing.

The play ends in a hilarious situation with a determined young lady and the innocent lecturer. One can learn more of the art of proposing through this play.

Members of the cast arc the Lecturer, Glen Faus; George. Billy Joe Hildreth; Cave Woman. Karen York; Sir Montmorency. Dick Ferris; Lady Ermintrudc, Pat Johnson; Mr. Butts. David Hykes; Vera, Venita Howell.

Mr. McBean. Larry King; Butch. Kay Wallerich; Cookie. JoAnn Negley; Kent. Ron Harden; Elaine. Sandra Mitchel.

The Revolt of Mother

For the first time in their married life, mother goes against father's dictates in “The Revolt of Mother.”

Adoniram Penn has promised his wife. Sarah, a new home. The new home turned out to be a new barn. During the absence of Adoniram one day. Sarah calmly moves her furniture into the barn before the livestock have a chance to move in.

Will Dad give Mom a new home? Will Mom's tricks influence Dad?

Characters of the play arc Sarah Penn. Glenda Wine; Adoniram Penn. Vernard Foley; Nanny. Valerie Miller; Sammy. Terry Spit-zer. Nanny and Sammy arc Sarah and Adoniram’s children.

George. Jon Burkholder, is engaged to Nanny. Emeline Adkins, Marilyn Hanley, is the neighbor.

Each of the plays has a student director. Duane Fike will direct ‘The Devil and Daniel Webster." and Joan Walters has "How to. Propose." "The Revolt of Mother" will be directed by Glenna Hawbaker.

In The Alumni Office

Mrs. Robert Martin is secretary to Paul Wagoner in the Alumni Office. Working on news releases in the Alumni Office is JoAnn Negley. sophomore.

Mac Cagers Report For First Practice

Intramural Standings

The intramural volleyball standings as of Nov. C were;





Holderread. Miller


Hood. Gatewood


Dadisman. Kolbe




Johnson. Groth


Kingery. Turner


Fruth. Kaufman


Grossnickle. Blough


Jeffries. Maul


Lowe. Negley


Morris, Ng




Oltman. Straka


Erisman. Thralls




Ragland. Keim


Dresher. Williams


Guenther. Peek




Willits. Wise




Jan. 11 McPherson at College of Emporia x

Jan. 14 Bethany at McPherson x Jan. 16 McPherson at Bethel x Jan 24 Ottawa at McPherson x Jan. 29 McPherson at Kansas Wesleyan x Jan. 31 Friends at McPherson x Feb. 4 Baker at McPherson x Feb. 8 College of Emporia at McPherson x Feb. 11 McPherson at Bethany x | Feb. 14 Bethel at McPherson x Feb. 18 McPherson at Ottawa x Feb. 22 Kansas Wesleyan at Me-Pherson

Feb. 24 McPherson at Friends x

Bulldogs Use Aerial Attack On Swedes To Win 19-14

Meet The Faculty . . .

S. M. Dells Are Leaders In Recreation, Crafts

in the third period. They completed four straight first downs and then lost the ball. Delk intercepted a Swede pass a few plays later. Ragland finally scored the winning touchdown with 8:00 left in the final quarter on a reverse around left end from 20 yards out.

The Bulldogs were on the Beth any one-yard line when the game ended.

Ragland carried the ball 14 times netting him 128 yards. Keim carried 12 times for 37 yards. Stucky received on injury and had to leave the game after carrying the ball three times for seven yards.

Larry Sams. Roy Jones, ond Earl Guiot quarterbacked the remainder of the game in place of injured Stucky.

Mac Ends Race With 5-2 Record

Macollege’s win over Bethany last week gives Mac a 5-2 record ond a tie with Bethel for third and fourth positions in the Kansas College Athletic Conference.

Bethel scored an upset last weekend by defeating Kansas Wesleyan 12-7. The defeat gives KWU a 6-1 record, but they-still hold the conference lead.

Baker is in second place with a 4-1-1 record. They were defeated by William Jewel, a non-conference foe last week.

Ottawa-pulled in to fifth posi-

Glen Faus

The Business Staff

Prof, and Mrs. S. M. Dell are a husband-wife team on the Macollege faculty. Prof. Dell is Dean of Men and professor of Industrial Arts Education. Mrs. Dell is secretary to the president.

Professor Dell received hi& bachelor degree from McPherson College in 1926. After graduation he taught for five years in the Marion. Kas.. High School in the area of industrial arts and agriculture.

Coming to McPherson in 1931, he has continued in his present teaching field of industrial arts. He has also instructed in the area of psychology and education.

In 1934 he completed his work for his master’s degree from Iowa State College. Professor Dell has taken further graduate work at the University of Chicago. Central Missouri State Teachers College. and at Kansas State College.

Professor Dell has taken special

Twenty - nine prospective basketball players reported to the first meeting held on last Tuesday afternoon by Coach Sid Smith. Macollege director of athletics.

The returning lettermen for the Bulldogs include Ronald Anderson. a 6'1" senior; Bob Nelson, a 6'3" senior; Ed Sink, a 6'.4" senior; Jerry McPherson, a 6'3” junior; Don Widrig. a 5'10" junior; and Dennis Brunner. a 5'11' sophomore.

Others are Bernard Whirley a 6‘ senior and Ed Delk. 6'1” sophomore.

The remainder of the squad is composed of 10 freshmen, eight sophomores, and six juniors.

Coach Smith says that the squad will have a tough season ahead of them and that they will need much hard practice.

The 1957-53 basketball schedule af the McPherson College Bull-dogs is as follows;

Nov. 29 McPherson at Southwest ern

Dec. 5 &7 Tournament at Moundridge

Dec. 10 McPherson at Sterling Dec. 14 St. Benedicts at McPherson

Dec. 17 Open

Dec. 20 Southwestern at McPherson

Dec. 26. 27. & 28 Christmas Tour nament

Jan. 4 Sterling at McPherson Jan. 8 McPherson at Baker x

The Editorial Staff

Carl Harris

Editor in Chief

Sherland Ng........

Managing Editor

JoAnn Negley

Campus Editor

Harold Connell

Sports Editor

Sarah May Brunk

. Faculty Advisor

Reporters and Writers

Dr. D. W. Bittinger

Cliff Tusing

Joyce Ulrich

Duane Cissner

Anna Vassiloff

Donelda Arick

Glenda Wine

Stanley Ilin

Vernard Foley

Faye Fields

Georgia Lee Bengtson

Dick Ferris

Bill Gripe ............

Business Manager

Howard Duncan

Asst. Business Mgr.

Diane Browning

Circulation Manager

Gordon Voder

Faculty Advisor

The McPherson College Bulldogs came from behind in the fourth quarter to defeat the Bethany College Swedes 19-14 in the last game of the season for both teams.

The passing defense of the Bulldogs was sharp even though they had trouble in holding back Swede linemen. The Swedes completed only one of 14 pass attempts.

Bethany scored first in the opening period. They capitalized on their successful pass completion by covering 45 yards for the touchdown. Herb LaMar caught the aerial. Ralph Anderson kicked the extra point.

The Bulldogs came right back after the kickoff. On the first play. Tom Ragland out-ran two Swedes and went all 65 yards for a Macollege TD. Ed Delk’s try at the extra point was a failure.

With 10:10 remaining in the second quarter, the Bulldogs rallied again. Delk received a pass on the Bethany nine and went the rest of the way to score. Delk’s conversion was good and the Bulldogs took a 13-7 com-mand.

Late in the second quarter the Swedes started a drive on their own 38 yard - line. Jim Ostlind ended the drive by going over the goal line from the ten. Anderson converted to put the Swedes again in the lead.

After the half, the ball changed hands several times on intercepted passes and fumbles.

The Bulldogs began a drive late tion by downing College of Emporia 25-0. They have a 3-3 record. C. of E. is in sixth place with a 2-4-1 standing.

Bethany and Friends are both in the cellar with 0-6 records. They will battle it out this week for their final positions.

interest in the field of recreation and crafts. In 1939 he was instrumental in organizing the Recreational Council, a campus extracurricular organization which provides opportunities in leadership development in recreation and crafts.

During the second semester and the summer of 1955. Professor Dell was granted a leave of absence to work with the Brethren Service Commission in Europe. He gave leadership in recreation and crafts at various locations, and during the summer, when Mrs. Dell joined him. he toured work camps and gave leadership in these projects.

Mrs. Dell graduated from Macollege in 1925. She hod served in secretarial positions before coming to her present position in 1951.

She was Spanish instructor at McPherson College for one semester.

The Dells have three children: Mrs. Leona Ikenberry, who lives in California with her family; Mrs. Mary Jo Christy, who lives with her family in McPherson; and a son Robert, who is a freshman at Macollege.

Professor and Mrs. Dell live at 1123 E. Euclid in McPherson.

Pondering With The President . . .

A Roommate For Keeps

signed to me."

Ah! There is a point.

This roommate whom you pick for a marriage partner will be a permanent roommate. It will not be just for one semester, one year, or four years. This one will be for life.

In picking this rommate. remember all the things that annoyed you about the roommate you have.

Do you think these things will also annoy you with this permanent roommate?

These and many other things will need to be considered.

Adjustments can be made to the permanent roommate, and the adjustments should be in both directions.

This can happen, also, with the temporary or short time roommate.

May God bless you and your roommate, both this temporary one and that permanent one.

Bittingers To Prepare Freshman Breakfast

Freshman Sunday School Class of the Church of the Brethren has been invited for breakfast by Dr and Mrs. Bittinger at their home on Sunday morning at 8.

All town and campus freshmen are invited.

Sweet Dreams ? ?

One of the girls on second floor of Dotzour Hall was laughing in her sleep recently. When h e roommate woke her. she relat-ed the following story: "I was walking through a pasture and there were hawks flying overhead. They had on red and white pajamas.”

Dr. Bittinger Meets With Other Presidents

Dr. D. W. Bittinger was in Lincoln. Neb., last Friday and Saturday for on Association of Trustees and Administration for Church Related Colleges meeting.

The meeting was held on the Nebraska Wesleyan University campus with national leaders pre sent. Also present were presi dents of Sterling College, KWU and Bethel.

Macollege Family Grows

Two new babies have entered the Macollege family. They are Jeffrey Eugene Snyder and Jerry Lee Sink.

Jeffrey Eugene, son of Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snyder. 1321 E. Euclid, was born Oct. 14 at the McPherson Hospital, weight 6 pounds. 8 ounces.

His father is a senior originally from York. N. D.

Jerry Lee. son of Mr. and Mrs. Edwin Lee Sink. College Courts was born Nov. 4 at the Mercy Hospital, Moundridge, weight 10 pounds. 14 ounces. Jerry's father is also a senior.

New Mac Library Additions On Old, New Literature

Literature old and new is the subject of some of the recent additions to the library.

Familiar Quotations by John Bartlett is the book we use to find the quotation we cannot remember part of. The library has just received the completely revised thirteenth edition of this helpful book.

The Borzoi Book of French Folk Tales edited by Paul Delarue relates many stories as they are told by the French after centuries of being handed down from generation to generation.

A History of Norwegian Literature by Harald Beyer discusses the purely Norwegian moods in literature instead of following the usual method of lumping together all Scandinavian literature.

The Early Masters of English Fiction by Alan Dugald McKil-lop tells of the contributions to literature made by the English eighteenth-century novelists.

The Complete Short Stories of Mark Twain edited by Charles Neider presents for the first time all of Mark Twain’s short stories. both the familiar and the les ser - known, in one volume.

Collected Poems of Edna St. Vincent Millay contains the son-nets and most of the lyrics, in-eluding 16 poems not published in other books of her poetry.

One Basket by Edna Ferber is a group of 31 short stories.

Wall Whitman’s Concept of the

If you aspire to the highest place, it is no disgrace to stop at the second, or even the third. — Cicero

When a man’s knowledge is not in order, the more of it he has the greater will be his confusion. — Herbert Spencer

By Dr. D. W. Bittinger Quite frequently I talk with students about their roommates.

I hear two reactions.

One is: we like each other so well that we hove roomed together for two years, or three years, or even four years. We feel almost as if we were married to each other.

One of the hard things to give up when college is finished will be not to be able to live with such a fine roommate.

I have observed that such people likely continue a friendship which is almost closer than the brother and sister friendship, even after they are out of college. and for as long as they live.

I hear other reactions to room mates, however.

Some find that adjusting to roommates is very difficult. It sometimes becomes almost impossible. These are example statements:

Some roommates have such strange hours. They want to sleep in the day and stay awake at night. They study best from 1:00 to 4:00 in the morning.

They cannot read more than two lines in a book without stopping to comment about that, or something totally separate from what is in the book.

They like to study to radio music. They like hi-fi, and instead of having it low. they turn it loud enough to blast one out of the room.

They cannot study without eating and they cannot eat quietly. They never pick things up. or sweep out, and the room, therefore. must be taken care of by one person or become very dirty.

They are too sensitive, and always seek for a hidden meaning in what you say.

Occasionally, I hear a student say. "I am going to get married so that I can pick my own roommate and will not have to be bothered with this one which is as

School Praises Block Teachers

Ed. note: Many Macollege students are engaged in student teaching under the block system at the present time. Recently Prof. Merlin Frantz, director of the secondary student teaching program, received this letter from a school in which Macollege students were student teaching.

Mr. Merlin Frantz McPherson College McPherson. Kansas Dear Mr. Frantz.

Just a word to let you know the student practice teachers we have here are all doing splendid work. They are most cooperative and are able to handle young people in a commendable manner.

We like them very much and appreciate their help. We trust that they are getting that which student teacher is expected to receive in this type of work. Sincerely.

(Name withheld by request.)

Student Teachers Hold Dinner For Supervisors

Supervising teachers were the guests of the Macollege student teachers at a dinner in the college cafeteria Tuesday evening. One hundred twenty persons were present at this dinner.

Miss Ruth Stout, director of Field Program for the Kansas State Teachers Association and vice president of the National Education Association, was guest speaker. Miss Stout was formerly dean of women at Wasburn University in Topeka.

Marlo Oltman, Macollege sen-

r, was toastmaster and Dean Wayne Geisert gave the welcome address.

Supervising teachers and principals from McPherson. Inman, Moundridge, Canton. Little River. Hutchinson. Galva. Lehigh, and Windom were present.

American Common Man by Lead-ie M. Clark surveys Whitman’s writings to discover what this great poet meant when he referred to the common man.

The Criterion Book of Modern American Verse edited by W. H. Auden Is an anthology containing poems from 81 famous American poets of the twentieth century.

Home Ec Club Initiates

New members of the Home Economics Club were initiated at the regular meeting Wednesday evening. In the initiation ceremony each of the old members lighted her candle and received her membership card then the new members lighted their candles.

For-the program Arlene Rolfs, junior, demonstrated the making of party favors.

Read and heed the Spec ads.

Let’s Unite To Fight

College, which means that only members of the union will be allowed to enroll in Macollege.

Then, by collective bargaining, we students can force teachers to abide by the constitution of the USSR.

The constitution is as follows: Constitution

We. the students of McPherson College, in order to form a more powerful union, establish just us, insure satisfactory transcripts, provide time for Rook, promote the general horseplay, and secure the bliss of ignorance to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this constitution for the USSR.

Article I. Dues. Dues shall be 2 per cent of tuition, compounded semi-semesterly. and paid directly to the president of the USSR.

Article II. The President. In

order to prevent totalitarianism two male students shall serve as co-presidents, whose last names shall be Harms and Harris, and who shall be natives of the sovereign states of Colorado and Louisiana respectively.

Article III. By Laws.

1.    All students on campus must join the USSR, just like MCA.

2.    Right to study laws are unconstitutional.

3.    All students are equal (Except that the officers of the USSR are more equal than others.)

My Bark Is Quick

Don't Read It . . .

By Norris and Carl

Students of the world, unite! Too long have we slaved under merciless taskmasters, only to be driven to a mere subsistence grade. The time of rebellion is at hand.

We must unite and overthrow our capitalistic teachers. They monopolize our grading system, forcing us to compete with one another. This results in a lot of hard work and makes the curve hard to crack.

In the past, various student organizations have attempted to remedy this situation. Back in 1932 the CIO (College Idiots Organization) was attempted, but was declared unconstitutional,

Ten years later the American Federation of Learners, the AF of L. was organized, but it became infiltrated with Nazis.

But now the time is right for a newer and stronger union. We have organized one. called the Unified Suffering Student Revolution (USSR).

Its objectives will be 1. A general lowering of the curve. 2. An over-all decrease in study hours which will be brought about by:

3. Shorter assignments and 4. A general inflation of grades.

The organization will be modeled after our great American labor unions. It is of course necessary that every student belong to the union, because only a few dissenters will prevent the accomplishment of our objectives.

This will necessitate a Union

4.    No student shall study more than 15 minutes for a test. This is to insure all an equal chance.

5.    No student shall work over ten minutes for any one assignment.

6.    All students shall watch for T.E.O.T.S.

7.    This includes Faus and Foley.

8.    There shall be a general inflation in grades. The grades A. B, C. D. and F shall be replaced by AAA. AA. A. and A-.

9.    No union leader shall receive a grade lower than AAA.

By Faus and Foley

This is the orbit, outer space. I work here. I’m a dog. My name is Laika. Dum da dumm dumm!

I was working the darndest beat. Direct assignment under the Marshall. I accepted the assignment because they told me I'd really go places.

The following is a record of my case. It started at 10:30. The sun was shining in the east — no, the west. Anyway, I was writing out my resignation. The job was driving me crazy. Why I had to blow that noise maker into the transmitter was beyond me. Those beeps were driving me crazy.

12:15. Took a break: walked over to the pay radio. (You pay for everything in Russia, even fame, at least so Mr. Kruschev says) To continue. I put two bis-

10.    General student strikes may be called at any time, especially at nine weeks and semester exam times.

11.    Anyone caught breaking any of the above rules shall go to jail. Go directly to jail, do not pass Go. do not collect $200.

Now in closing we again remind you, keep watching for T. E.O.T.S.

cuits in the radio. It was KFBI. They played “Hound Dog" and "Around the World In 80 Minutes."

12:57. Have just finished energy - consumption reports. I find I work best under pressure — atmospheric pressure, that is.

3:05. Instrument check completed. This job sure keeps me on pins and needles. But one nice thing. I don't have to drink to get lightheaded.

4:39. Pounding at my door proved false alarm. It was only meteorites.

6:47. Am writing a song in my spare time. Will call it "Spooning with a Shepherd in the Satellite.”

8:06. Have just turned off KFBI. Found out that if I ever try to get this crate back to Russia. I'll end up as a hot dog.

9:00. Dinner is just over. This eating cafeteria style gets mo down, as the food tastes so old.

10:00. Bedtime. End of report. • Note: We advise every discerning reader of the Spec to disregard Harms and H a r r i s's "Watch for E.O.T.S" This is flagrant, manifest, promulgation of a Machiavellianism intent. Instead. we advise the discriminating person to watch for O.V.N.C.

F&. . . . f